What you see is what you get...

Seeing is all about perspective. When you look at something in front of you, you will often find that your perspective will change as you move. Perspective is not only related to what you see, but also what you think. 

You can look at a mountain and think "No way, that's too big!" Or you can think "Okay, I'll give it my best-big-girl-panties shot and see what happens!" 

You may not always be thrilled or excited about this mountain, but you can definitely have a more positive outlook on it.

The past couple days have put a lot of things into PERSPECTIVE. A view that I've never experienced before. I've found every moment of each day to be extremely special and precious. 

Moments that I would normally wish away. Moments that I would normally consider to be painfully slow or annoying. Moments that I would normally take for granted. 

This new perspective has me feeling insanely thankful and blessed. Blessed beyond measure. A little cup that is overflowing.

This new perspective was brought about by the awful, terrible Mr. C! The jerk that has found his way into my Daddy's body. He's a bully. 

Physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

You're probably thinking... You feel thankful and blessed with Mr. C being present?! (HECK NO!) 

But Mr. C is showing me a perspective much like a gorgeous head of hair displays many colors. The lowlights are necessary to make the highlights stand out.

The low points in life make the high points SO MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL! These lower moments in my life are highlighting why I'm so blessed and all of things I'm so thankful for.

I'm blessed and thankful for every day I get to wake up and breathe.

I'm blessed and thankful for the doctors who are caring for my dad.

I'm blessed and thankful for the hard bleachers in a high school stadium that let me cheer for my linebacker little brother. (GO HUSKIES!)

I'm blessed and thankful for friends and family that have reached out with hugs, love, kind words, and yummy dishes.

I'm blessed and thankful for the little children speckled in my life that make me smile and laugh.

I'm blessed and thankful for a Mom who is doing so many things out of her comfort zone, and doing a DARN good job.

I'm blessed and thankful for scholarships and student loans that allow me to continue to achieve my dream of becoming a teacher. 

I'm blessed and thankful for the invention of the "double shot of espresso" at Starbucks.

I'm blessed and thankful for my God and His love that never fails.

I'm blessed and thankful for my Lord Jesus who felt pain in my name.

I'm blessed.

I'm thankful.

I will also say that like anyone, we all have "bad hair days". No amount of lowlights and highlights can change it. Some moments I just cry. I just cry because I don't what is before me, and that's a little scary. I'm holding on to the One who is making all things possible.

I don't know what this road has before me. I don't have the map or navigation system. I don't have the ETA. But I've got a big windshield showing all that is in front of me. My perspective has never been more beautiful. I'm going to let my hair down, throw on my Ray Bans, crank up some country music, and enjoy this ride called life.

A 6-Letter Word...

I'm not going to ask you to play a game of hangman to guess this word. You know it. You hear it all the time. You know someone who has it. You probably know someone who is no longer on this earth because of it. I've seen a lot of it. I've watched many people I love dearly have to face it with everything they've got. I've lost people to it. I've watched other people lose people to it.

The 6 letter word is C A N C E R.

And, It sucks. Big time.

On Monday of this week, my family received the news that my dad has cancer. I hate the way that sounds. Not my dad. He's superman. He can do anything. He can't have cancer.

Then I stop myself. I know that there are people all around me fighting this battle. I know there are people all around me who are fighting the battle of moving on without someone that used to be in their lives. I know that there are children who are battling this awful thing. I know.

I also know that there is a GOD who is bigger than all of this. I know He has a plan. A plan I may not agree with. A plan my dad may not agree with. I know that God has His arms of love and grace holding this whole world together. I know. I trust. I have faith.

When I first heard this news, I wanted to stop. Stop everything. I wanted to call the Children's Director of my church and say "No, I can't continue to teach Sunday school or lead Wednesday Night programming." I wanted to so "No, UCF, I don't want to pay for school right now." I wanted to say "No, I can't watch your kids tonight" to all that families I babysit for. I just didn't want to do anything. 

But I can't. And I won't. I'm going to keep smiling and laughing and singing and dancing and do all the things that make me happy. I look at my Dad who, is scheduling appointments and surgeries and scans around when he can fly back to New York to work and provide for his family. I look at my Mom who works insanely hard to make sure each of her three kids are happy and okay ON TOP of her full-time job. I see this, and I know we all have to keep moving and doing.

I will say that right now, right this very moment, it hurts. It stings. It burns. Every dang song on the radio makes me cry. Looking at my little brother for too long makes me cry. Seeing the confused faces of my dogs as they watch me cry, makes me cry. So I cry. I cry in the car with my sunglasses on to hide my eyes. I cry in the shower, because, might as well get it all out. And because of all this crying, I really need to find a good waterproof mascara. Seriously.

I want to say "Thank You" from the very bottom of my heart to all of my family and friends who have reached out to me during this time. You have no idea what it means to hear those words of love. We are going to this cancer a run for its money! 

We are going to KICK CANCER IN THE BUTT!

All my love.

It's Hard to Forget...

In this post, I'm going to take you to a moment in my life that was so hard, so heartbreaking, and so painful, that's it has been completely impossible to forget... 

I'm writing about it because it happened in the beginning of October, 4 years ago. 

I'm writing about it because the cut was DEEP and sometimes I catch myself going back to the anger and pain I felt when it happened. When the cut was fresh.

Before I tell you what "it" is, let me tell about how important "it" was in my life.

I began playing soccer when I was 4 years old. I loved the game. Every aspect of the game. I never missed a season in my entire life. I have an entire shelf of trophies and soccer things to document each season. My license plate on my car is a "support soccer" plate. 

Soccer was my game.

So....back to "it". I'll take you to my senior year at Hagerty High School and to my last high school soccer tryouts. We had a new coaching staff that year and we were all very nervous. (Because my graduating class was the 2nd graduating class in the whole school, there was a core group of us girls that created the soccer team of Hagerty. We started as a JV team and then a very young Varsity team. We were pretty good too!) Back to tryouts...we were nervous and we were missing our old coach. 

I felt as though my tryout was really great. I was in good shape and I did everything I was supposed to do to demonstrate to this new coach my skills and love for the game. Or so I thought.

I will forever have the next moment and words engraved into my mind forever.

The coach pulled me aside and said these exact words. "I understand you are a Senior. You know that seniors can't play on JV right? Because you didn't make the Varisty team." That was it. That's all he said to me. Then he walked away. Those were the coldest words I'd ever heard. I was in shock. I turned to look at the rest of girls still playing a casual scrimmage. I couldn't breathe. I turned my back to them, sat down on the concrete and cried. I got very angry. I remember taking my cleats off of my feet and throwing them against the school building. I was making a scene, one that I didn't want to make. I quickly grabbed my cleats, found my soccer bag and car keys, and walked to my car. I remember my friend asking me where I was going. I told her that I didn't make the team. She didn't know how to respond. I passed parents anxiously awaiting the news of which team their daughter made. I felt as though I had been kicked straight in the stomach....

I was the ONLY returning Varsity player and Senior that did not make the team. 

I was cheated. Cheated BIG time. It was, of course, a very political issue and situation. People "in power" were doing wrong things under the table, and I was the one that suffered because of it. 

The emotions I felt for the next few weeks were almost unbearable. I was sad. I was angry. I was embarrassed. I felt worthless. What was I going to do the next 3 months without soccer?

I'm writing this post, because I recently received a message from my cousin who is a Senior in high school this year. The same thing that happened to me, happened to her, only with volleyball. She asked me how I dealt with it. She asked my how I got through the pain and overwhelming feeling of defeat. 

When I read her text, my heart went right back to that moment four years ago. I began crying because I knew exactly what she was feeling. I knew how defeated and humiliated she felt. I told her what I am telling you now.... 

It sucked.

I told her I was angry and mad. I told her I didn't want to go to school. I told her my heart felt broken. I told her that I wasn't sure I would make it through the season.

But then, something changed.

I told her that I did make it through the season. My broken heart began to heal. I was able to face the girls of the soccer team at school. I wasn't angry and mad anymore.

I knew this happened to me on purpose, for a specific reason. 

God has a plan. A plan that may not always match up with our plans. This, my friends, is a beautiful blessing because His plan is SO much better. It took me a while to see what His plan was for me that season. I was able to spend my time and energy doing something that sang praises to Him. Literally. That season of not playing soccer allowed me to have the time to write and direct the children's Christmas Musical at my church. I loved every minute of that season. I was happy. God showed me yet again, that He knows what He is doing.

God is good. God is sovereign. God is gracious. God is kind. God is here.

His love never fails, never gives up, and never runs out.

And when Club soccer came around in the spring, I was lacing up those cleats and hitting the field. I was smiling and laughing and remembering all the reasons why I loved soccer. I was surrounded by an amazing group of girls and an even better coach. I was scoring goals and taking names. 

After all, soccer was my game.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11