I'm writing about it because it happened in the beginning of October, 4 years ago.
I'm writing about it because the cut was DEEP and sometimes I catch myself going back to the anger and pain I felt when it happened. When the cut was fresh.
Before I tell you what "it" is, let me tell about how important "it" was in my life.
I began playing soccer when I was 4 years old. I loved the game. Every aspect of the game. I never missed a season in my entire life. I have an entire shelf of trophies and soccer things to document each season. My license plate on my car is a "support soccer" plate.
Soccer was my game.
So....back to "it". I'll take you to my senior year at Hagerty High School and to my last high school soccer tryouts. We had a new coaching staff that year and we were all very nervous. (Because my graduating class was the 2nd graduating class in the whole school, there was a core group of us girls that created the soccer team of Hagerty. We started as a JV team and then a very young Varsity team. We were pretty good too!) Back to tryouts...we were nervous and we were missing our old coach.
I felt as though my tryout was really great. I was in good shape and I did everything I was supposed to do to demonstrate to this new coach my skills and love for the game. Or so I thought.
I will forever have the next moment and words engraved into my mind forever.
The coach pulled me aside and said these exact words. "I understand you are a Senior. You know that seniors can't play on JV right? Because you didn't make the Varisty team." That was it. That's all he said to me. Then he walked away. Those were the coldest words I'd ever heard. I was in shock. I turned to look at the rest of girls still playing a casual scrimmage. I couldn't breathe. I turned my back to them, sat down on the concrete and cried. I got very angry. I remember taking my cleats off of my feet and throwing them against the school building. I was making a scene, one that I didn't want to make. I quickly grabbed my cleats, found my soccer bag and car keys, and walked to my car. I remember my friend asking me where I was going. I told her that I didn't make the team. She didn't know how to respond. I passed parents anxiously awaiting the news of which team their daughter made. I felt as though I had been kicked straight in the stomach....
I was the ONLY returning Varsity player and Senior that did not make the team.
I was cheated. Cheated BIG time. It was, of course, a very political issue and situation. People "in power" were doing wrong things under the table, and I was the one that suffered because of it.
The emotions I felt for the next few weeks were almost unbearable. I was sad. I was angry. I was embarrassed. I felt worthless. What was I going to do the next 3 months without soccer?
I'm writing this post, because I recently received a message from my cousin who is a Senior in high school this year. The same thing that happened to me, happened to her, only with volleyball. She asked me how I dealt with it. She asked my how I got through the pain and overwhelming feeling of defeat.
When I read her text, my heart went right back to that moment four years ago. I began crying because I knew exactly what she was feeling. I knew how defeated and humiliated she felt. I told her what I am telling you now....
It sucked.
I told her I was angry and mad. I told her I didn't want to go to school. I told her my heart felt broken. I told her that I wasn't sure I would make it through the season.
But then, something changed.
I told her that I did make it through the season. My broken heart began to heal. I was able to face the girls of the soccer team at school. I wasn't angry and mad anymore.
I knew this happened to me on purpose, for a specific reason.
God has a plan. A plan that may not always match up with our plans. This, my friends, is a beautiful blessing because His plan is SO much better. It took me a while to see what His plan was for me that season. I was able to spend my time and energy doing something that sang praises to Him. Literally. That season of not playing soccer allowed me to have the time to write and direct the children's Christmas Musical at my church. I loved every minute of that season. I was happy. God showed me yet again, that He knows what He is doing.
God is good. God is sovereign. God is gracious. God is kind. God is here.
His love never fails, never gives up, and never runs out.
And when Club soccer came around in the spring, I was lacing up those cleats and hitting the field. I was smiling and laughing and remembering all the reasons why I loved soccer. I was surrounded by an amazing group of girls and an even better coach. I was scoring goals and taking names.
After all, soccer was my game.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
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