A 6-Letter Word...

I'm not going to ask you to play a game of hangman to guess this word. You know it. You hear it all the time. You know someone who has it. You probably know someone who is no longer on this earth because of it. I've seen a lot of it. I've watched many people I love dearly have to face it with everything they've got. I've lost people to it. I've watched other people lose people to it.

The 6 letter word is C A N C E R.

And, It sucks. Big time.

On Monday of this week, my family received the news that my dad has cancer. I hate the way that sounds. Not my dad. He's superman. He can do anything. He can't have cancer.

Then I stop myself. I know that there are people all around me fighting this battle. I know there are people all around me who are fighting the battle of moving on without someone that used to be in their lives. I know that there are children who are battling this awful thing. I know.

I also know that there is a GOD who is bigger than all of this. I know He has a plan. A plan I may not agree with. A plan my dad may not agree with. I know that God has His arms of love and grace holding this whole world together. I know. I trust. I have faith.

When I first heard this news, I wanted to stop. Stop everything. I wanted to call the Children's Director of my church and say "No, I can't continue to teach Sunday school or lead Wednesday Night programming." I wanted to so "No, UCF, I don't want to pay for school right now." I wanted to say "No, I can't watch your kids tonight" to all that families I babysit for. I just didn't want to do anything. 

But I can't. And I won't. I'm going to keep smiling and laughing and singing and dancing and do all the things that make me happy. I look at my Dad who, is scheduling appointments and surgeries and scans around when he can fly back to New York to work and provide for his family. I look at my Mom who works insanely hard to make sure each of her three kids are happy and okay ON TOP of her full-time job. I see this, and I know we all have to keep moving and doing.

I will say that right now, right this very moment, it hurts. It stings. It burns. Every dang song on the radio makes me cry. Looking at my little brother for too long makes me cry. Seeing the confused faces of my dogs as they watch me cry, makes me cry. So I cry. I cry in the car with my sunglasses on to hide my eyes. I cry in the shower, because, might as well get it all out. And because of all this crying, I really need to find a good waterproof mascara. Seriously.

I want to say "Thank You" from the very bottom of my heart to all of my family and friends who have reached out to me during this time. You have no idea what it means to hear those words of love. We are going to this cancer a run for its money! 

We are going to KICK CANCER IN THE BUTT!

All my love.