#PrayingforLove

Our world caught its breath and swallowed the lump in our throats in the early morning hours of Sunday, June 12th. Our Social Media feeds and News Stations were blowing up with words that read...

SHOOTING. MURDER. VICTIMS. TERROR. DEATH. HATE. FEAR.

Read those words again. I don't know about you but they make my eyes sting and my lungs feel tight with each breath. What has come to us living in a world where these words are no longer as 'shocking' or 'terrifying' as the honestly should be? Where people openly shoot and kill each other for whatever reason or no reason at all?

This post will not be about gun control. My family owns guns. My family shoots guns. And I know what they are capable of when used incorrectly. We have seen what they are capable of over and over and over again when they are placed in the wrong hands. I'm not going to tell you that NO GUNS will solve our problem. Because NO GUNS will not solve anything. Nothing at all. 

I am a teacher. I have only "by law" been a certified teacher for the State of Florida for two years now, but I have spent the better half of my life working with, loving on, and teaching children. Something I have learned VERY quickly, is that children are happiest and most successful in proactive environments, rather than reactive environments. In other words… Kids need to know what is expected of them up front and they need to be taught how they are to behave and exist in whatever task is before them. That's being proactive. A reactive environment focuses primarily on "WAIT. I don't like what that child just did, so now I'm going to punish them." It's hard to establish a proactive atmosphere. Trust me. But it is easily ten times harder to continually teach and redirect behaviors (for what feels like forever) when you are living in a reactive environment.

With that being said, our world today is severely reactive. To the point where we react to just about anything. Rather than setting an expectation in place up front, we create rules that are in reaction to something that has happened. Our world is also really good, I mean REALLY GOOD, at sticking bandages on wounds that require surgical repair. Rather than properly cleaning and healing the wound, we simply get rid of it so we don't have to see it. Instead of figuring out what the problem is and where is coming, we seemingly would rather to just ignore it all together. 

Where is this girl going with this? Is what you're probably thinking… Just hang tight. I'm getting there. 

I'm trying hard to point us to the path that has us taking off our blinders. And looking into the eyes of the people we encounter and interact with everyday. You've heard the saying "If only you could walk a mile in their shoes, then you'd understand." Why do we have to experience what someone has experienced in order to feel for them or to help them or to love them. I know a man. I know a man who walked in our footsteps, alongside of us, amongst us. I know a man who went where no one else would wander, to help someone. I know a man who touched a sick and diseased man, so he could live another day. I know a man who carried His own Cross to a hill to die. I know a man who did NO WRONG, so that I could have the courage and strength to wake up each morning and find someone to love. I know a man that whispered words of forgiveness as He grasped His final breaths of air, so that you and I may freely live.  

He never told the blind man, "Let me know what it's like to no see" before he healed him. He did it. He did it because He was and is the Son of God, who is Love. He did all the things He did on this Earth, because of love. A man named Jesus showed us what love is.

A man named Omar Mateen killed 49 people, and injured 53 more. He was man who desperately needed to feel what true love is. He was a man who was hurting. He was a man who probably cried out for something, and was ignored. He is easy to point fingers at now. He is an easy target to hate. Something I have done during all of this. 

There are families and friends still trying to figure out how to breath tonight. There are families who are aching with holes in their hearts that will never be filled again because their "somebody" is no longer here. There are doctors, nurses, and surgeons working around the clock to keep hearts pumping and bodies living. There are officers, investigators, and other Law Enforcement Officials working overtime hours to try to make sense of this crime and put missing puzzle pieces into place. There is a city, a nation, and a world all falling to their knees asking for peace, mercy, healing, hope, and love. 

The #PrayforOrlando hashtag has swept across social media. Here is my prayer for Orlando. Here is my prayer for this Nation. Here is my prayer for every soul that lives and moves and breathes in this world. Pray with me.

God,

We come to you with heavy hearts and blurry minds. Our reactive desires tell us to point fingers. To curse. To hate. You, God, show us each day with your cleansing mercy and overwhelming grace, that we must love. We must love, because you first loved us. You've loved us in our weakest hours and our most shining moments. You love us when we do our best to cut you out. When we think it's best to walk away and do this on our own, You take off running after us. My prayer for the people of Orlando, the families and friends of the victims, is to somehow find the strength to continue to love each other. We ask for You to wrap us in Your unfailing arms of love.

In Jesus' Name I pray,

Amen.

I pray that you do not make this historical event about gun control laws, or sexuality, or religion, or race, or ethnic background, or even terrorism. I pray that you open your eyes, your heart, and your soul to see that this is an event about people hurting people. For what?

We must stop looking for someone to blame and bring it back to the basics of what it means to live among each other in our home. This beautiful world we call our home. We must always seek to understand, and not to judge. We must seek to listen, and not be heard. We must seek to help, and not to hurt. We must seek to build up, and not to break down.

And above all things we must seek to LOVE. Love regardless of gender, race, sexuality, ethnicity, religion. Regardless of anything at all. 

The God of love does not look at our souls differently. That's just not who He is. We are all His. We must do as He has always done, and love.

Love came down to this world over 2,000 years ago in the form a baby boy, and love will one day come again to take us all home. Love always wins. Love will always win.

God's unconditional, redemptive, and all-consuming Love.

Hello, Blog World.

It's been a while. It seems as though the only thing I've been writing lately are my lesson plans for my 5th Grade classroom. Yes! You read that correctly. I'm a real teacher, with my own classroom, and real 5th grade students. His love. It's unconditional. God plucked me right out of my final internship classroom, and plunked me into a world that was foreign, and scary, and unlike any classroom I had ever imagined. A classroom that was so far from what I had imagined, that I wanted to run into the Teaching Academy of UCF and find those professors and scream "YOU LIED TO ME". 

I was replacing a teacher. A teacher who had clearly left a great impact in those little hearts and minds. And these kids were out to get me. I was the bad guy. I was met hard with disrespect, defiance, and rebellion. I was the new girl in a world that was I was 'supposed' to be the leader of. His love. It's redemptive. Those first few weeks were t o u g h. I would get into my Jeep, drive fast and cry hard. I would have one-sided arguments with God, asking Him why I was the one to do this job. Why was I the one put in this place.

God knows this little heart of mine so very well. He knows that it can handle more than my mind could ever convince it otherwise. God reminds me of his immense ocean of grace. God reminds me of the mercy He so freely gives. God also reminds me of His great suffering. He watched in complete agony, His only precious Son dying on the cross for cowards and sinners like me. He wanted a relationship with me so much, that He let His own Son bleed in my name. So He will now push me, and challenge me, and bend me until I break, all in the name of love. His love. It's all-consuming.

I love big. I love deep. I love people with my whole heart. It's just who I am. I don't know how else to be. While I found myself going all "Sandra Bullock from the Blind Side" on my students when I looked them in the eyes saying "Don't you dare lie to me", I was doing it out of love. The love I have for the 38 souls that fill the desks in my classroom each day. 

While the first couple weeks were spent with me angrily lifting weights in the gym at night, I would be praying for redemption. Praying for God to use me in the way He needs me to be used. Right when you feel as though you are going to drop off the edge of that "I give up" cliff, God takes your hand into His. He pulls you into His loving arms. That all-consuming love that won't dare let go of its grip. 

God knew my heart. He knew he had me where He needed me. He knew my life would forever be changed by the 38 lives I teach Math and Science to each day. He knew that while things seem big and tough, that His love can conquer all. I just had to believe it. I just had to trust in His plan. The older I've become, the more I realize that when I let God have control over the things that are the most difficult and most important in my life, that I am met with grace and peace that is never ending. 

This is my prayer. As I finish out the 6 weeks I have left before summer, I pray that these precious souls come to know Jesus through my actions and love for them. While the public school setting doesn't leave room for 'faith proclamation', I am a firm believer in the saying Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words. I love those 38 souls more than they'll ever know, and I know God loves them seven times seventy. While most days they probably think I'm the Wicked Witch of the West for giving them science homework or requiring them to show their work and explain their reasoning while answering math problems, I pray that remember their young, blue-eyed, pearl wearin', always smiling teacher who loved them, believed in them, and valued their worth more than all the gold in the world. 

All the glory to Jesus, the greatest teacher to ever walk the earth, and our God who loves us unconditionally and all-consuming, with redeeming grace.

xoxo, Miss Wilson

To cast stones from your hands...

Give Thanks to the Lord for He is good.

What a simple and very complicated statement. Why is this statement so hard for our human minds to understand? 

Well, it's simple, really... We think we "know-it-all". We pride ourselves in "knowing things". Admit it. It's true.

The statement is simply put. Give Thanks. The End.

BUT...

The simplicity of this statement Give Thanks to the Lord begins to get a little REALLY complicated when you throw in the for He is good part. 

When you think of the word good, what comes to mind? 

How do you define having a good day? What do you think of when you say good night?

I don't know about you, but personally, I think of all the opposite of good {BAD} things that could happen. Through my weird reasoning, if none of the 'bad' things happen, then I'd say it's pretty good. 

The good we are talking about here, isn't just any old good. We are talking about how good our God is. He is SO good. His goodness is not measurable. Neither is His love or mercy or grace. He is good. All the time. So that's the good we are talking about here. {It's pretty amazing.}

Now, back to the Give Thanks part. "Give Thanks" means for us "to cast stones from our hands". I absolutely love this {thanks for the preachin' Pastor David}. My Pastor explained that if we want to fully experience a relationship with God {the kind of relationship that He desires us to have with Him}, we are to enter into Thanksgiving with empty hands. We are to leave everything at the door, when we bring ourselves before our King, whether that be through prayer, worship, service... 

Empty hands, people. Just think, think for a minute all of the things you are "holding onto"... Things that are keeping you from experiencing the fullness of God.
I know for me personally, the things that hold be back are school, busy schedules, technology {yep}, the image in my mind of how I want my life to be... and the list could still go on forever. Pretty full hands I have here.

We are approaching the one year mark when I heard the words, "I have cancer" come out of my Dad's mouth. Wow. When I take myself back to that morning of August 19th, I can remember everything perfectly. I remember having a lazy morning. Emilee had not gone back to school yet, I started the next day, Rhett was in school, Mom was at work, and Dad was waiting for the phone to ring with results from a biopsy. Emilee and I were still in our pajamas, hair on top of our heads, tired faces, something was on TV, but we were eating breakfast and fiddling on our phones...
Dad got the call and stepped outside. I remember him walking back in and saying, "Girls, can you come here for a minute?" His voice was different. My heart went all the way down and curled its little self under my big toe. When I walked down the hallway from my bedroom to the family room, I turned to see my Dad. His hands were gripped tightly to his phone, and there were tears in his eyes....The one person who isn't supposed to ever cry because he is superman, and superheros don't cry.... My head instantly began to pound, and my eyes filled with tears. I remember thinking in my head, "This is it, Kalee. Time to be tough. You're the oldest. Stop with the crying." Then he said the words, "The biopsy showed that the lump under my arm is Metastatic Melanoma." When we knew he had a lump under his arm, I googled 'Metastatic Melanoma'. I needed my head to know what we were up against, because I knew my heart would be a melting into a puddle of heartache. I knew this wasn't good. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. After the news was shared, I asked if he told Mom and he said, "Yes, she is on her way home." I spent the next couple hours in the pool, partly because it was a billion degrees outside, and partly because I felt like I could blame my red eyes on the chlorine... instead of my tears. Mom came home and we all piled into her bed and cried. In the afternoon, Dad headed up to the high school to watch a last bit of football practice and to bring Rhett home. He told Rhett, and Rhett put on the toughest helmet of all and carried himself and anyone else he needed to. It was quite the day. It's been quite the year. 

We've almost hit that year mark, and the cancer is still no where to be found!!! But this kind of cancer is a monster. Once it's made a way into the body once, it almost always shows up in other places again. So we pray for mercy, and grace, and heavenly healing over my Dad's body. God knows what kind of plan He has for my Dad, and for that awful cancer.  

This is also a stone I've been holding onto. One that my sweet Mama is holding onto. We are human, and we want control of the things and situations in our lives. Casting this cancer stone to God is scary. There is too much on the line.

But, friends, God simply wants us to come to Him with empty hands and open hearts. Leave your pile of stones at the door, or give them a really good throw as far as you can. Cast the stones from your tired hands, and open them up to the God who pours living water from His cup. Take a sip. Drink it up.

Our God is sovereign. He is merciful, and His love never fails us. He needs us to be the hands and feet of Jesus in this world. He needs us to trust in His perfect plan, and know that He will never forsake us. He needs us to thank Him for the many blessings He has given us, and share these blessings with those around us.

It's hard to do all of these things, when our hands are full of 'stones' that are not meant for us to carry.

Give Thanks to the Lord for He is good...

...and strong enough to carry our burdens for us.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

The Girl Who Can Fly...

There is a girl who can fly.... 
She can sore to great heights and feel as though she is jumping over the moon.
Her dream to be great and to live her passion is the reason for her glorious wings.

This girl could't always fly.
She struggled. She fell behind. She fought hard to find her way. She never gave up. 

This girl was diagnosed at a young age with Dyslexia. This language processing disorder can hinder reading, writing, spelling and sometimes even speaking. Dyslexia is not a sign of poor intelligence or laziness. It is also not the result of impaired vision. Children and adults with dyslexia simply have a neurological disorder that causes their brains to process and interpret information differently. 

School was a burden for this girl. She struggled every night to finish homework. She repeatedly did not pass the Standardized Tests, which resulted in her being placed in remedial reading classes. School became something she hated. 

But this girl is strong. She struggled. She fell behind. She fought hard to find her way. She n e v e r gave up.

And this girl found her wings. She found the wind that would lift her to high places that would help her achieve her passion in life.

Her wings were not sparkly or incandescent. Her wings did not shimmer in the sky. They were not the colors of the rainbow.

No. These wings were dirty, hairy, smelly, and had four legs. These wings were covered with saddles, bits, halters, and bridles. 


The wings that made this girl fly were horses. 

Horses allowed this girl to be all that she could be. Horses did not care if she could read, or write, or speak well. Horses did not care that she was in an intensive reading class for the 6th year in a row. Horses did not care if she struggled to make passing grades in school.

But, horses did give her the wind to make her fly. Horses became her life, her passion, her reason for living and breathing. Horses have allowed her to be the best at something.

This girl was the #1 4-H High Point Senior Equitation Rider in the State of Florida her senior year of high school. She is a blue ribbon horse rider. She is so darn good.

Horses allowed the idea of attending college become a reality. She now rides for the Equestrian Team at St. Andrews University in North Carolina. She is on the team that is heading to Pennsylvania for the IHSA National Horse Show. She is living her dream.

This girl is my younger sister, Emilee. "Emma" as I call her, and "Wilson" as she calls me. She is also the reason why I have chosen to pursue my Master's Degree in Reading Education. This girl found her wings, and because of her I want to be a part of the journey for students who struggle with Reading disabilities. 

This weekend, she competes in her first ever National Horse Show with the rest of her team from St. Andrews University. I'm so proud of her and all she has accomplished. I wish I could be there to cheer her on! Go get that blue ribbon!

This girl is unstoppable. This girl doesn't give up. This girl is determined.

Put this girl on the back of a horse, and be ready to watch her fly...

All my love to you Emma.

Pencils, Paper, and Patience.

My favorite question of all time is... What do you want to be when you grow up?
I ALWAYS knew the answer to that. I've always wanted to be a teacher. 

I love to teach. Always have. When I was younger, I would teach anything that sat still long enough. Baby dolls, Beanie Babies, Barbies...you name it. I would bust out my CD collection and set them up as desks in my {class}room. I would usually have to separate Kenny Rogers and Faith Hill...

This "image" I had of what a 

p-e-r-f-e-c-t classroom looks like was that of a fairytale in my childish, unexperienced brain. I've spent some time in the classroom, seeing how the day progresses, how the teacher teaches, and how the students learn, and I couldn't be MORE FAR OFF from what my mind was picturing. 

I started my Junior Internship (Internship 1) at UCF this semester. I am so fortunate to have been BLESSED with a teacher who has a very similar heart as mine, and who is full of words of encouragement {and the naked truth} about all this "job" has to offer. I've also found how.many.people will openly tell you why public education {for lack of a better word} SUCKS and why I shouldn't choose this PASSION of mine as a PROFESSION. 

So, I got to thinking....and here are some reasons why I'm going to be a teacher {and the best darn one I can be}.

Reasons I Teach:

1. My heart doesn't know what else to do. I can't help it. I teach all the time. Whether I'm babysitting, tutoring, at church, at school...I am always looking for ways to teach someone something new. Whether I spend my days teaching in an "A" public school in the United States or in a dusty, open-aired hut in some Third World Country...I don't know these plans yet. But God does. He knows my heart and where it needs to be.

2. I am a lover of learning. I love to learn and experience new things. If there is something I don't know, I {drum roll please} Google it! I want to know the answer! I want to try new things! I just love it! And I'm always collecting brochures and taking from all the places I go for my future classroom.

3. I believe that education is the single most important tool necessary to change the world. Ghandi shares my belief in this statement. Education is THE key that opens so many doors to opportunity. I know that all students have the ability to achieve greatness, and education is the one thing that can help them get there. 

4. I am willing to fill the shoes. So many kids do not have the parental support coming from home. I am so thankful for the childhood I had, where my Mom stayed home and provided so much support and love to her children. There are too many children who simply do not have that. I'm willing to step in and love them. I will encourage them. I will hold their hand when they need it. I will be the launching pad for them to fly.

5. Job Flexibility. This is the bottom of the barrel, but is my most practical reason. Other than teach, my dreams include me being a Wife and a Mother someday. I would love the ability to spend time with my children, and if the finances allowed it, to stay home and raise my children just as I was. With teaching, the doors are opened to this.

Teaching is what I love to do, but WOAH Bessy... It is hard. 

So many people criticize you. So many people doubt your abilities. So many people annoy the heck out of you. It's a tough thing to do. Parents instantly think YOU are the problem, and are always the first ones to tell you how to do your job...yet, won't step foot in you classroom. It's not for sissies that's for sure. And you get paid about a penny an hour...

But none of these things are going to stop this sister from teaching!

I'm just so excited to see what teaching does for me in the next stages of my life. I'm so thankful for the awesome teachers, administrators, and fellow teacher friends I have had the pleasure of knowing along this journey. Your encouragement and thoughtful "well wishes" mean more than you know. 

I'm just your average twenty-something following her dreams.

Reaching distant shores...

I'm fascinated by water. Always have been. I learned to crawl in the low tide waters of St. Teresa Beach, where our family has a beach home. I could live on a boat, no problem. I love the water.

Water is a necessity in this life. The human body is made up of mostly water, as is the entire Earth. Water in its natural state is pure, cleansing, and refreshing. It's simply perfect. We need it's simple perfection to live. Water follows a specific pattern. Water flows in certain directions. Water can be found in 3 forms. {For my non-elementary education majors, the three forms are solid, liquid, and gas. Don't even get me started on the Water Cyle....there's a song for that! ;)}

Water in THREE forms. Water is pure. Water is mostly what I'm made of. Water is mostly what the world is made of. Water is perfect.

Now, I may be {a little} A LOT farfetched by saying that Water has extremely similar characteristics to that of God. Wow. I said that.

But come on, please tell me you see it too...

God in THREE forms. God is pure. God is mostly what I'm made of. God is mostly what the world is made of. God is perfect.

The reason mostly can be used in the presence of our God is that there is evil and darkness and sin that tries to grab hold of whatever it can. 

Sin wins daily. Darkness always seems to settle in when we least expect it.

But let me tell you, we are 

loved 

loved 

loved by a God who has CONQUERED this world. He is using me and YOU to be His light in this world. He is giving us the "Rock" necessary to make ripples in the water that travel to places you've never imagined. Ripples that change the world. 

The Bible tells us...

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” John 7:38 ESV 

Rivers of living water. 

My mama always tells me that we are like the rocks in this big world of water. We never understand the impact we have, because we often cannot see the shores our ripples are touching. 

We serve a BIG God. He knows you by name. You are worthy. You are a beloved child of the Most High. His love for us never ceases. He has a specific plan for me and for you. He has given you the tools and power necessary to be His hands and feet in this world. 

Splash the distant shores with the beauty of His love and grace.

His grace is an ocean.

We are all sinking.

All my love. 

K

I'll leave you with a picture of my favorite boy playing in his favorite place (St. Teresa Beach). This is my black lab, Whaler, named after the "Boston Whaler" boat. (I told y'all that I love water.)

{I'm pretty sure this is what his Heaven looks like.}

Face to Face with a Lion.

I've never been face to face with a Lion. Literally, that is. But I've certainly faced the figurative lions in this life. 

Whenever I think about the lions I face, I always think about Daniel and the Lions Den. I can imagine the fear that Daniel felt when he realized he was surrounded by hungry lions. 

He didn't move. He couldn't breathe.

I know what that feels like. 

Paralyzing fear.

Not being able to breathe.

Why?

A lion that is called Cancer.

I woke up this morning feeling nervous and anxious. Nervous and anxious, because my dad has a PET scan New Years Eve at Sloan Kettering in New York City. This scan is going to let us see if that cancer has found residence in other parts of his body. He hasn't had a scan since August, when we first found out about this lion. 

This scan is necessary. 

This scan is nerve wracking.

But, I find myself going back to Daniel in the den. He was surrounded by darkness. He was surrounded by hungry lions. He was alone. He was scared. 

What Daniel did next makes the story such a good one.... 

Daniel got on his knees in the darkness of that cave and 

p r a y e d to God. 

He probably didn't speak. He simply poured out his heart. Daniel knew God was the only source of strength he could rely on during this time. He knew God would never forsake him.

This past weekend we had Christmas at Papa and Nana's in North Florida. It was such a good weekend. Full of love, laughter, food, presents, shooting guns, four wheeler rides, and front porch sitting. 

I kept thinking about how awesome it is to be surrounded by the ones you love and the ones who always have your back. 

I am so thankful for my family. 

  

I'm thankful for doctors who are keeping my Dad in good hands. I'm thankful for a God who has the whole world in His hands.

And if you're wondering about Daniel in that den full of hungry Lions.....

God shut the mouths of each one. 

On Tuesday, Dad will have his PET scan. On Thursday, we should know the results. 

I'll hold my breath. I'll drop to my knees. I'll pray for God to shut the mouth of the cancer lion. 

Because this is how we feel about cancer.

We are loaded. We are Kickin' Cancer.

Merry and Bright

As 2013 comes to a close, I think about all of the things that made this an extremely eventful year. A year of good laughs, eye-opening experiences, and some tears too...

1. I went to Haiti for the first time this year. I spent a week with the Mission of Hope Organization. I was blown away by the beauty of these precious people. I can't wait to go back for 2 WEEKS in 2014.

2. I directed Vacation Bible School at my church this past summer! Over 500 children, youth, and adults all loving and praising Jesus! It was an amazing week! {I'll be the Director again this year!!}

3. I spent a very fun weekend back in The Woodlands, Texas with some family friends I've grown up with! Nick and I have been friends for 20 years!

4. We found out my Dad has Metastatic Melanoma. {Not a good thing, and I refuse to Google it.} Cancer sucks. He has been sticking to a very strict diet and has lost a bunch of weight. I pray God has His merciful hand in all of this. Emilee created a benefit horse show "Kickin' Cancer" at her school, St. Andrews University, and it was a huge success! Lots of money raised for Cancer Research! 

5. I turned 22 this year!! {I don't know about you, but I feel old...} I celebrated with my sweet family and my Nana who turned 77 this year. Our birthdays are 55 years and 5 days apart.

6. Mama and I spent many nights at football games cheering for our favorite football player! We love #37!! Go Huskies!

7. Rhett's best friend, Sam, was diagnosed with Lymphoma! The Wainman family is like extended family! We are on #TeamWainman and we are all going to KICK CANCER to the curb!!

8. I am 2 semesters away from graduating from the University of Central Florida! I love Elementary Education and cannot wait to start my internship in 2014!! 

9. I LOVED cheering for my UCF KNIGHT boys as they kicked butt on the football field this year! Can't wait to watch them play in their first ever BCS Bowl Game in school history! Go Knights! #ChargeOn #BeatBaylor

10. I'm so thankful for all of my family and friends and the memories I've made in 2013!! 

Here's to 2014!! A year of more good memories, graduating from college, and experiencing all that this life has to offer! I hope that this holiday season reminds you to stop and thank God for all the things in your life! He is Good and His love for us never ends!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Advent: The Coming of Christ

The season of Advent is here. The word Advent means "coming". Advent candles remind us that Christ came into a world of darkness, or sin, to be our light and that He will come again. Join me in reading scripture and the story that forever changed the course of history. Each night I will give you a continued part of the Christmas Story and a message of how the significance of that Christmas night is deeper than any manger scene. My prayer is that our hearts hold true to the meaning of Christmas, the point of it all, and the greatest gift ever given.

Day One

His name shall be called 'Immanuel', which means 'God with us.'

God sent the angel Gabriel to Mary in the village of Nazareth. The angel said, "Greetings! The Lord has blessed you and is with you."

You may hear "Jesus is the reason of the season" said this time of year. These words could not be more true. Jesus is the greatest gift ever given to this world. He came to us in a desperate, dark time. The world was drowning in sin and ignoring God in every possible way. God sent His Son to rescue us, when we needed it most. God could have sent us His Gift in a fiery blaze or a raging flood. He knew that would not capture our hearts. He chose a quiet, still night. He chose the little town of Bethlehem. He knew that there would be no room, still He sent His Gift. The insignificant arrival of our King is where the significance of His Glory begins. He is magnificent because of the manger. He is crowned our Savior because of the stable. He is the greatest gift ever given. He is God's only Son. He is Jesus. He is the reason for this season.

John 1:1-5

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Never let your prayin' knees get lazy.

The topic of "prayer" has been on my heart for many weeks now. I'm just now finding the right words to express what I've been feeling.

Praying is something that should come relatively easy out of my mouth. After all, a prayer is a conversation with my Heavenly Father.

Over these past weeks, it has been a challenge to pray. If I'm asked to pray, {whether it be at church, at the kitchen table, or the quiet darkness of my room} I instantly tense up and have to think about what I'm praying for. 

I especially cannot pray about or for my Dad and his cancer. 

{Seeing this written down, makes me feel so shameful and so unbelievably selfish.} 

Of all the things I should be laying down before my King, the health of my Daddy should certainly be one.

But it hurts to pray those words. 

Those words "Dad and his cancer" taste awful on my tongue.

And as I continue to battle this "praying predicament", I am beginning to realize that maybe this is the point.

This is the point because God felt the deepest of pains, by sacrificing His precious Son, for me.

This is the point because our King hung completely broken on the Cross, so that we would never experience brokenness from our God.

This is the point because God never told us this life would be easy, but that His Almigthy hand and love would never let go of my heart.

It's okay to not know what to say, because God hears our every plea and prayer.

Scripture says it so perfectly...

Romans 8:26

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

I've given my life to Jesus, so He knows the longing of my heart. He feels the pain I feel. He knows what my soul needs.

AND He knows what my Dad needs.

He Knows what the doctors need to do to beat this stupid cancer.

He knows what strength my family needs to continue to navigate this dark and winding road of fighting cancer.

There is a song by Amy Grant, entitled "Better Than a Hallelujah". This song explains that God understands and loves every pain we feel and every tear we cry. And that all these moments of brokenness are better than any joyous hallelujah. 

One line that is on my heart, and connects so beautifully with these words is...

"The silence when the words won't come, are better than a Hallelujah sometimes."

When my prayers end up in buckets of ugly tears, it's okay.

When I REALLY want to say these words out loud, but I choke, it's okay.

He knows my heart and all that burdens it. God knows that I want His beautiful presence to cover me every day. 

He knows, because He is God. 

And I am His.

Thankful for our God.

Earlier this week I ran into one of my old teachers from high school. She and I talked about casual things like how school was going for me and how she liked her new job. I then asked her how she and her family is doing {as her husband is fighting cancer and chemotherapy}. I then shared with her that my dad was recently diagnosed with Metastatic Melanoma and is looking at treatment options, because chemotherapy is not very responsive to this cancer. The next moment in our conversation is forever engraved into my heart. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Kalee, I don't know how people who don't believe in God go through things like this. People who are not Christians get cancer all the time. I just don't know how they find the strength to get through it without having God to help them."

Wow. Three things about this precious moment:

1. This woman is an educator in the public school system. Thank you, Jesus. She was an amazing teacher when I had her and she is an amazing person.

2. This woman knows that God is the reason for her every breath. She knows that without God she won't be able to handle the things this world throws at her.

3. I'm so thankful for this moment I had with her. I'm thankful that I had her as a role model in my life. I'm thankful that she spoke words of truth and love into my heart. I'm thankful for God and His beautiful, perfect timing.

This battle with cancer my family is facing continues to be a roller coaster ride of emotions. I can laugh and talk with people as if nothing is wrong, and other moments the simple question "How are you?" can send me into a crying bag of ugly. Through all of this, I know that I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me. I'm surrounded by friends and family who bring delicious meals and words of wonderful encouragement. I know that there is a God who is BIGGER than anything this world can bring. His peace and grace is an ocean we are all sinking in. Soaking up every drop. His love for us is immense. He is jealous for us. He sacrificed His only Son, Jesus, just so we could feel this love {despite the fact that many choose not to feel it}.

In the next couple weeks as my Dad begins treatments for his cancer, I know that God will have His mighty hand in all of it. I will trust in His plan. I will trust in His Word. 

Thank you all for your amazing love and support to me and my family! 

We are Kickin' Cancer!

Rejoice in the Routine

Calendars. Do you have one? Do you have a paper one or an electronic one? 

I have a calendar. It's the size of a spiral notebook. It's colorful and pretty. It has all sorts of information in it that reminds me what I'm supposed to be doing. {Class times, homework assignments, tutoring, babysitting, football games, church, appointments...} It's pretty packed. It's my life. 

Isn't that funny. My calendar is my life and it reminds me what I'm supposed to be doing.

HA! But it's really not a joke. It's completely true. AND COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.

I recently read the book, "Kisses from Katie". (Warning: If you are like me, you love to love on children and you love to serve Jesus, DON'T READ IT! Seriously, not until you have your degree.) 

This book takes you into the life of Katie, an upper class American in her early twenties who takes her "lavish American life" and trades it in for a little piece of red dirt in the country of Uganda. She falls in love with the people of this beautiful nation and decides to adopt 14 Ugandan girls as her own children. Fourteen. Where can I sign up for that?

Katie took everything she had (college, nice clothes, big house, fancy car) and gave it to Jesus. She took everything that she knew and gave it all up. She needed something more. Her heart needed something more. She longed for the darkest corners of her heart to proclaim the name of Jesus. She became a mother. Legally for 14 fourteen girls, but figuratively for a Ugandan village...to the tune of about 300 children. She fed and bathed and loved and prayed with these children. She celebrated, glorified, danced, and sang the name of Jesus every day. Every. Single. Day.

Is that in your calendar? 

Tuesday, September 10th: Glorify Jesus.

Probably not. It's not in my calendar. But it should be. The desire to glorify Jesus everyday is in my heart, but it gets covered up with routines. It gets covered up with all the things we "have to do".

I'm actually writing this post in my Legal Issues in Education class. My attention isn't in it. My heart isn't isn't it. Don't get me wrong, I love education. I love teaching. I love school. But my mind isn't in the place to hear about how the American schools were hundreds of years ago. My mind is inside a classroom loving and teaching children. My mind is in Haiti loving on the kids that are forever in my heart. My heart is longing to serve Jesus. To be out there doing. Loving. Rejoicing. Glorifying.

But, I'm not going to throw away all I've worked for and quit college to go to a third world country and love on precious children. Although, I would love to do just that.

I am going to keep taking the classes and taking the notes that bring me closer to my dream of becoming a teacher. After that degree is in my hand, who knows what is next. Well, God knows. I have every intention to follow Him. Where that leads, I don't know....Seminary? A third world country? A classroom? Wherever God leads me, I will go. I'm ready. 

Until then, I'm going to continue to glorify the name of Jesus everyday. I will love on the children in my life. I will be kind and caring to the strangers I meet each day. I will sing songs with gladness and I will celebrate the life I'm living! Homework assignment and all. 

I challenge you. Make room for Jesus in your busy day. 

Pencil Him in. It's the least you can do, considering what He did for you.

“It may take place in a foreign land or it may take place in your backyard, but I believe that we were each created to change the world for someone. To serve someone. To love someone the way Christ first loved us, to spread His light. This is the dream, and it is possible.” 

― Katie J. Davis, Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption

What you see is what you get...

Seeing is all about perspective. When you look at something in front of you, you will often find that your perspective will change as you move. Perspective is not only related to what you see, but also what you think. 

You can look at a mountain and think "No way, that's too big!" Or you can think "Okay, I'll give it my best-big-girl-panties shot and see what happens!" 

You may not always be thrilled or excited about this mountain, but you can definitely have a more positive outlook on it.

The past couple days have put a lot of things into PERSPECTIVE. A view that I've never experienced before. I've found every moment of each day to be extremely special and precious. 

Moments that I would normally wish away. Moments that I would normally consider to be painfully slow or annoying. Moments that I would normally take for granted. 

This new perspective has me feeling insanely thankful and blessed. Blessed beyond measure. A little cup that is overflowing.

This new perspective was brought about by the awful, terrible Mr. C! The jerk that has found his way into my Daddy's body. He's a bully. 

Physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

You're probably thinking... You feel thankful and blessed with Mr. C being present?! (HECK NO!) 

But Mr. C is showing me a perspective much like a gorgeous head of hair displays many colors. The lowlights are necessary to make the highlights stand out.

The low points in life make the high points SO MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL! These lower moments in my life are highlighting why I'm so blessed and all of things I'm so thankful for.

I'm blessed and thankful for every day I get to wake up and breathe.

I'm blessed and thankful for the doctors who are caring for my dad.

I'm blessed and thankful for the hard bleachers in a high school stadium that let me cheer for my linebacker little brother. (GO HUSKIES!)

I'm blessed and thankful for friends and family that have reached out with hugs, love, kind words, and yummy dishes.

I'm blessed and thankful for the little children speckled in my life that make me smile and laugh.

I'm blessed and thankful for a Mom who is doing so many things out of her comfort zone, and doing a DARN good job.

I'm blessed and thankful for scholarships and student loans that allow me to continue to achieve my dream of becoming a teacher. 

I'm blessed and thankful for the invention of the "double shot of espresso" at Starbucks.

I'm blessed and thankful for my God and His love that never fails.

I'm blessed and thankful for my Lord Jesus who felt pain in my name.

I'm blessed.

I'm thankful.

I will also say that like anyone, we all have "bad hair days". No amount of lowlights and highlights can change it. Some moments I just cry. I just cry because I don't what is before me, and that's a little scary. I'm holding on to the One who is making all things possible.

I don't know what this road has before me. I don't have the map or navigation system. I don't have the ETA. But I've got a big windshield showing all that is in front of me. My perspective has never been more beautiful. I'm going to let my hair down, throw on my Ray Bans, crank up some country music, and enjoy this ride called life.

A 6-Letter Word...

I'm not going to ask you to play a game of hangman to guess this word. You know it. You hear it all the time. You know someone who has it. You probably know someone who is no longer on this earth because of it. I've seen a lot of it. I've watched many people I love dearly have to face it with everything they've got. I've lost people to it. I've watched other people lose people to it.

The 6 letter word is C A N C E R.

And, It sucks. Big time.

On Monday of this week, my family received the news that my dad has cancer. I hate the way that sounds. Not my dad. He's superman. He can do anything. He can't have cancer.

Then I stop myself. I know that there are people all around me fighting this battle. I know there are people all around me who are fighting the battle of moving on without someone that used to be in their lives. I know that there are children who are battling this awful thing. I know.

I also know that there is a GOD who is bigger than all of this. I know He has a plan. A plan I may not agree with. A plan my dad may not agree with. I know that God has His arms of love and grace holding this whole world together. I know. I trust. I have faith.

When I first heard this news, I wanted to stop. Stop everything. I wanted to call the Children's Director of my church and say "No, I can't continue to teach Sunday school or lead Wednesday Night programming." I wanted to so "No, UCF, I don't want to pay for school right now." I wanted to say "No, I can't watch your kids tonight" to all that families I babysit for. I just didn't want to do anything. 

But I can't. And I won't. I'm going to keep smiling and laughing and singing and dancing and do all the things that make me happy. I look at my Dad who, is scheduling appointments and surgeries and scans around when he can fly back to New York to work and provide for his family. I look at my Mom who works insanely hard to make sure each of her three kids are happy and okay ON TOP of her full-time job. I see this, and I know we all have to keep moving and doing.

I will say that right now, right this very moment, it hurts. It stings. It burns. Every dang song on the radio makes me cry. Looking at my little brother for too long makes me cry. Seeing the confused faces of my dogs as they watch me cry, makes me cry. So I cry. I cry in the car with my sunglasses on to hide my eyes. I cry in the shower, because, might as well get it all out. And because of all this crying, I really need to find a good waterproof mascara. Seriously.

I want to say "Thank You" from the very bottom of my heart to all of my family and friends who have reached out to me during this time. You have no idea what it means to hear those words of love. We are going to this cancer a run for its money! 

We are going to KICK CANCER IN THE BUTT!

All my love.

It's Hard to Forget...

In this post, I'm going to take you to a moment in my life that was so hard, so heartbreaking, and so painful, that's it has been completely impossible to forget... 

I'm writing about it because it happened in the beginning of October, 4 years ago. 

I'm writing about it because the cut was DEEP and sometimes I catch myself going back to the anger and pain I felt when it happened. When the cut was fresh.

Before I tell you what "it" is, let me tell about how important "it" was in my life.

I began playing soccer when I was 4 years old. I loved the game. Every aspect of the game. I never missed a season in my entire life. I have an entire shelf of trophies and soccer things to document each season. My license plate on my car is a "support soccer" plate. 

Soccer was my game.

So....back to "it". I'll take you to my senior year at Hagerty High School and to my last high school soccer tryouts. We had a new coaching staff that year and we were all very nervous. (Because my graduating class was the 2nd graduating class in the whole school, there was a core group of us girls that created the soccer team of Hagerty. We started as a JV team and then a very young Varsity team. We were pretty good too!) Back to tryouts...we were nervous and we were missing our old coach. 

I felt as though my tryout was really great. I was in good shape and I did everything I was supposed to do to demonstrate to this new coach my skills and love for the game. Or so I thought.

I will forever have the next moment and words engraved into my mind forever.

The coach pulled me aside and said these exact words. "I understand you are a Senior. You know that seniors can't play on JV right? Because you didn't make the Varisty team." That was it. That's all he said to me. Then he walked away. Those were the coldest words I'd ever heard. I was in shock. I turned to look at the rest of girls still playing a casual scrimmage. I couldn't breathe. I turned my back to them, sat down on the concrete and cried. I got very angry. I remember taking my cleats off of my feet and throwing them against the school building. I was making a scene, one that I didn't want to make. I quickly grabbed my cleats, found my soccer bag and car keys, and walked to my car. I remember my friend asking me where I was going. I told her that I didn't make the team. She didn't know how to respond. I passed parents anxiously awaiting the news of which team their daughter made. I felt as though I had been kicked straight in the stomach....

I was the ONLY returning Varsity player and Senior that did not make the team. 

I was cheated. Cheated BIG time. It was, of course, a very political issue and situation. People "in power" were doing wrong things under the table, and I was the one that suffered because of it. 

The emotions I felt for the next few weeks were almost unbearable. I was sad. I was angry. I was embarrassed. I felt worthless. What was I going to do the next 3 months without soccer?

I'm writing this post, because I recently received a message from my cousin who is a Senior in high school this year. The same thing that happened to me, happened to her, only with volleyball. She asked me how I dealt with it. She asked my how I got through the pain and overwhelming feeling of defeat. 

When I read her text, my heart went right back to that moment four years ago. I began crying because I knew exactly what she was feeling. I knew how defeated and humiliated she felt. I told her what I am telling you now.... 

It sucked.

I told her I was angry and mad. I told her I didn't want to go to school. I told her my heart felt broken. I told her that I wasn't sure I would make it through the season.

But then, something changed.

I told her that I did make it through the season. My broken heart began to heal. I was able to face the girls of the soccer team at school. I wasn't angry and mad anymore.

I knew this happened to me on purpose, for a specific reason. 

God has a plan. A plan that may not always match up with our plans. This, my friends, is a beautiful blessing because His plan is SO much better. It took me a while to see what His plan was for me that season. I was able to spend my time and energy doing something that sang praises to Him. Literally. That season of not playing soccer allowed me to have the time to write and direct the children's Christmas Musical at my church. I loved every minute of that season. I was happy. God showed me yet again, that He knows what He is doing.

God is good. God is sovereign. God is gracious. God is kind. God is here.

His love never fails, never gives up, and never runs out.

And when Club soccer came around in the spring, I was lacing up those cleats and hitting the field. I was smiling and laughing and remembering all the reasons why I loved soccer. I was surrounded by an amazing group of girls and an even better coach. I was scoring goals and taking names. 

After all, soccer was my game.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11