Face to Face with a Lion.

I've never been face to face with a Lion. Literally, that is. But I've certainly faced the figurative lions in this life. 

Whenever I think about the lions I face, I always think about Daniel and the Lions Den. I can imagine the fear that Daniel felt when he realized he was surrounded by hungry lions. 

He didn't move. He couldn't breathe.

I know what that feels like. 

Paralyzing fear.

Not being able to breathe.

Why?

A lion that is called Cancer.

I woke up this morning feeling nervous and anxious. Nervous and anxious, because my dad has a PET scan New Years Eve at Sloan Kettering in New York City. This scan is going to let us see if that cancer has found residence in other parts of his body. He hasn't had a scan since August, when we first found out about this lion. 

This scan is necessary. 

This scan is nerve wracking.

But, I find myself going back to Daniel in the den. He was surrounded by darkness. He was surrounded by hungry lions. He was alone. He was scared. 

What Daniel did next makes the story such a good one.... 

Daniel got on his knees in the darkness of that cave and 

p r a y e d to God. 

He probably didn't speak. He simply poured out his heart. Daniel knew God was the only source of strength he could rely on during this time. He knew God would never forsake him.

This past weekend we had Christmas at Papa and Nana's in North Florida. It was such a good weekend. Full of love, laughter, food, presents, shooting guns, four wheeler rides, and front porch sitting. 

I kept thinking about how awesome it is to be surrounded by the ones you love and the ones who always have your back. 

I am so thankful for my family. 

  

I'm thankful for doctors who are keeping my Dad in good hands. I'm thankful for a God who has the whole world in His hands.

And if you're wondering about Daniel in that den full of hungry Lions.....

God shut the mouths of each one. 

On Tuesday, Dad will have his PET scan. On Thursday, we should know the results. 

I'll hold my breath. I'll drop to my knees. I'll pray for God to shut the mouth of the cancer lion. 

Because this is how we feel about cancer.

We are loaded. We are Kickin' Cancer.

Merry and Bright

As 2013 comes to a close, I think about all of the things that made this an extremely eventful year. A year of good laughs, eye-opening experiences, and some tears too...

1. I went to Haiti for the first time this year. I spent a week with the Mission of Hope Organization. I was blown away by the beauty of these precious people. I can't wait to go back for 2 WEEKS in 2014.

2. I directed Vacation Bible School at my church this past summer! Over 500 children, youth, and adults all loving and praising Jesus! It was an amazing week! {I'll be the Director again this year!!}

3. I spent a very fun weekend back in The Woodlands, Texas with some family friends I've grown up with! Nick and I have been friends for 20 years!

4. We found out my Dad has Metastatic Melanoma. {Not a good thing, and I refuse to Google it.} Cancer sucks. He has been sticking to a very strict diet and has lost a bunch of weight. I pray God has His merciful hand in all of this. Emilee created a benefit horse show "Kickin' Cancer" at her school, St. Andrews University, and it was a huge success! Lots of money raised for Cancer Research! 

5. I turned 22 this year!! {I don't know about you, but I feel old...} I celebrated with my sweet family and my Nana who turned 77 this year. Our birthdays are 55 years and 5 days apart.

6. Mama and I spent many nights at football games cheering for our favorite football player! We love #37!! Go Huskies!

7. Rhett's best friend, Sam, was diagnosed with Lymphoma! The Wainman family is like extended family! We are on #TeamWainman and we are all going to KICK CANCER to the curb!!

8. I am 2 semesters away from graduating from the University of Central Florida! I love Elementary Education and cannot wait to start my internship in 2014!! 

9. I LOVED cheering for my UCF KNIGHT boys as they kicked butt on the football field this year! Can't wait to watch them play in their first ever BCS Bowl Game in school history! Go Knights! #ChargeOn #BeatBaylor

10. I'm so thankful for all of my family and friends and the memories I've made in 2013!! 

Here's to 2014!! A year of more good memories, graduating from college, and experiencing all that this life has to offer! I hope that this holiday season reminds you to stop and thank God for all the things in your life! He is Good and His love for us never ends!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Advent: The Coming of Christ

The season of Advent is here. The word Advent means "coming". Advent candles remind us that Christ came into a world of darkness, or sin, to be our light and that He will come again. Join me in reading scripture and the story that forever changed the course of history. Each night I will give you a continued part of the Christmas Story and a message of how the significance of that Christmas night is deeper than any manger scene. My prayer is that our hearts hold true to the meaning of Christmas, the point of it all, and the greatest gift ever given.

Day One

His name shall be called 'Immanuel', which means 'God with us.'

God sent the angel Gabriel to Mary in the village of Nazareth. The angel said, "Greetings! The Lord has blessed you and is with you."

You may hear "Jesus is the reason of the season" said this time of year. These words could not be more true. Jesus is the greatest gift ever given to this world. He came to us in a desperate, dark time. The world was drowning in sin and ignoring God in every possible way. God sent His Son to rescue us, when we needed it most. God could have sent us His Gift in a fiery blaze or a raging flood. He knew that would not capture our hearts. He chose a quiet, still night. He chose the little town of Bethlehem. He knew that there would be no room, still He sent His Gift. The insignificant arrival of our King is where the significance of His Glory begins. He is magnificent because of the manger. He is crowned our Savior because of the stable. He is the greatest gift ever given. He is God's only Son. He is Jesus. He is the reason for this season.

John 1:1-5

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Never let your prayin' knees get lazy.

The topic of "prayer" has been on my heart for many weeks now. I'm just now finding the right words to express what I've been feeling.

Praying is something that should come relatively easy out of my mouth. After all, a prayer is a conversation with my Heavenly Father.

Over these past weeks, it has been a challenge to pray. If I'm asked to pray, {whether it be at church, at the kitchen table, or the quiet darkness of my room} I instantly tense up and have to think about what I'm praying for. 

I especially cannot pray about or for my Dad and his cancer. 

{Seeing this written down, makes me feel so shameful and so unbelievably selfish.} 

Of all the things I should be laying down before my King, the health of my Daddy should certainly be one.

But it hurts to pray those words. 

Those words "Dad and his cancer" taste awful on my tongue.

And as I continue to battle this "praying predicament", I am beginning to realize that maybe this is the point.

This is the point because God felt the deepest of pains, by sacrificing His precious Son, for me.

This is the point because our King hung completely broken on the Cross, so that we would never experience brokenness from our God.

This is the point because God never told us this life would be easy, but that His Almigthy hand and love would never let go of my heart.

It's okay to not know what to say, because God hears our every plea and prayer.

Scripture says it so perfectly...

Romans 8:26

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

I've given my life to Jesus, so He knows the longing of my heart. He feels the pain I feel. He knows what my soul needs.

AND He knows what my Dad needs.

He Knows what the doctors need to do to beat this stupid cancer.

He knows what strength my family needs to continue to navigate this dark and winding road of fighting cancer.

There is a song by Amy Grant, entitled "Better Than a Hallelujah". This song explains that God understands and loves every pain we feel and every tear we cry. And that all these moments of brokenness are better than any joyous hallelujah. 

One line that is on my heart, and connects so beautifully with these words is...

"The silence when the words won't come, are better than a Hallelujah sometimes."

When my prayers end up in buckets of ugly tears, it's okay.

When I REALLY want to say these words out loud, but I choke, it's okay.

He knows my heart and all that burdens it. God knows that I want His beautiful presence to cover me every day. 

He knows, because He is God. 

And I am His.

Thankful for our God.

Earlier this week I ran into one of my old teachers from high school. She and I talked about casual things like how school was going for me and how she liked her new job. I then asked her how she and her family is doing {as her husband is fighting cancer and chemotherapy}. I then shared with her that my dad was recently diagnosed with Metastatic Melanoma and is looking at treatment options, because chemotherapy is not very responsive to this cancer. The next moment in our conversation is forever engraved into my heart. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Kalee, I don't know how people who don't believe in God go through things like this. People who are not Christians get cancer all the time. I just don't know how they find the strength to get through it without having God to help them."

Wow. Three things about this precious moment:

1. This woman is an educator in the public school system. Thank you, Jesus. She was an amazing teacher when I had her and she is an amazing person.

2. This woman knows that God is the reason for her every breath. She knows that without God she won't be able to handle the things this world throws at her.

3. I'm so thankful for this moment I had with her. I'm thankful that I had her as a role model in my life. I'm thankful that she spoke words of truth and love into my heart. I'm thankful for God and His beautiful, perfect timing.

This battle with cancer my family is facing continues to be a roller coaster ride of emotions. I can laugh and talk with people as if nothing is wrong, and other moments the simple question "How are you?" can send me into a crying bag of ugly. Through all of this, I know that I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me. I'm surrounded by friends and family who bring delicious meals and words of wonderful encouragement. I know that there is a God who is BIGGER than anything this world can bring. His peace and grace is an ocean we are all sinking in. Soaking up every drop. His love for us is immense. He is jealous for us. He sacrificed His only Son, Jesus, just so we could feel this love {despite the fact that many choose not to feel it}.

In the next couple weeks as my Dad begins treatments for his cancer, I know that God will have His mighty hand in all of it. I will trust in His plan. I will trust in His Word. 

Thank you all for your amazing love and support to me and my family! 

We are Kickin' Cancer!

Rejoice in the Routine

Calendars. Do you have one? Do you have a paper one or an electronic one? 

I have a calendar. It's the size of a spiral notebook. It's colorful and pretty. It has all sorts of information in it that reminds me what I'm supposed to be doing. {Class times, homework assignments, tutoring, babysitting, football games, church, appointments...} It's pretty packed. It's my life. 

Isn't that funny. My calendar is my life and it reminds me what I'm supposed to be doing.

HA! But it's really not a joke. It's completely true. AND COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.

I recently read the book, "Kisses from Katie". (Warning: If you are like me, you love to love on children and you love to serve Jesus, DON'T READ IT! Seriously, not until you have your degree.) 

This book takes you into the life of Katie, an upper class American in her early twenties who takes her "lavish American life" and trades it in for a little piece of red dirt in the country of Uganda. She falls in love with the people of this beautiful nation and decides to adopt 14 Ugandan girls as her own children. Fourteen. Where can I sign up for that?

Katie took everything she had (college, nice clothes, big house, fancy car) and gave it to Jesus. She took everything that she knew and gave it all up. She needed something more. Her heart needed something more. She longed for the darkest corners of her heart to proclaim the name of Jesus. She became a mother. Legally for 14 fourteen girls, but figuratively for a Ugandan village...to the tune of about 300 children. She fed and bathed and loved and prayed with these children. She celebrated, glorified, danced, and sang the name of Jesus every day. Every. Single. Day.

Is that in your calendar? 

Tuesday, September 10th: Glorify Jesus.

Probably not. It's not in my calendar. But it should be. The desire to glorify Jesus everyday is in my heart, but it gets covered up with routines. It gets covered up with all the things we "have to do".

I'm actually writing this post in my Legal Issues in Education class. My attention isn't in it. My heart isn't isn't it. Don't get me wrong, I love education. I love teaching. I love school. But my mind isn't in the place to hear about how the American schools were hundreds of years ago. My mind is inside a classroom loving and teaching children. My mind is in Haiti loving on the kids that are forever in my heart. My heart is longing to serve Jesus. To be out there doing. Loving. Rejoicing. Glorifying.

But, I'm not going to throw away all I've worked for and quit college to go to a third world country and love on precious children. Although, I would love to do just that.

I am going to keep taking the classes and taking the notes that bring me closer to my dream of becoming a teacher. After that degree is in my hand, who knows what is next. Well, God knows. I have every intention to follow Him. Where that leads, I don't know....Seminary? A third world country? A classroom? Wherever God leads me, I will go. I'm ready. 

Until then, I'm going to continue to glorify the name of Jesus everyday. I will love on the children in my life. I will be kind and caring to the strangers I meet each day. I will sing songs with gladness and I will celebrate the life I'm living! Homework assignment and all. 

I challenge you. Make room for Jesus in your busy day. 

Pencil Him in. It's the least you can do, considering what He did for you.

“It may take place in a foreign land or it may take place in your backyard, but I believe that we were each created to change the world for someone. To serve someone. To love someone the way Christ first loved us, to spread His light. This is the dream, and it is possible.” 

― Katie J. Davis, Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption

What you see is what you get...

Seeing is all about perspective. When you look at something in front of you, you will often find that your perspective will change as you move. Perspective is not only related to what you see, but also what you think. 

You can look at a mountain and think "No way, that's too big!" Or you can think "Okay, I'll give it my best-big-girl-panties shot and see what happens!" 

You may not always be thrilled or excited about this mountain, but you can definitely have a more positive outlook on it.

The past couple days have put a lot of things into PERSPECTIVE. A view that I've never experienced before. I've found every moment of each day to be extremely special and precious. 

Moments that I would normally wish away. Moments that I would normally consider to be painfully slow or annoying. Moments that I would normally take for granted. 

This new perspective has me feeling insanely thankful and blessed. Blessed beyond measure. A little cup that is overflowing.

This new perspective was brought about by the awful, terrible Mr. C! The jerk that has found his way into my Daddy's body. He's a bully. 

Physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

You're probably thinking... You feel thankful and blessed with Mr. C being present?! (HECK NO!) 

But Mr. C is showing me a perspective much like a gorgeous head of hair displays many colors. The lowlights are necessary to make the highlights stand out.

The low points in life make the high points SO MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL! These lower moments in my life are highlighting why I'm so blessed and all of things I'm so thankful for.

I'm blessed and thankful for every day I get to wake up and breathe.

I'm blessed and thankful for the doctors who are caring for my dad.

I'm blessed and thankful for the hard bleachers in a high school stadium that let me cheer for my linebacker little brother. (GO HUSKIES!)

I'm blessed and thankful for friends and family that have reached out with hugs, love, kind words, and yummy dishes.

I'm blessed and thankful for the little children speckled in my life that make me smile and laugh.

I'm blessed and thankful for a Mom who is doing so many things out of her comfort zone, and doing a DARN good job.

I'm blessed and thankful for scholarships and student loans that allow me to continue to achieve my dream of becoming a teacher. 

I'm blessed and thankful for the invention of the "double shot of espresso" at Starbucks.

I'm blessed and thankful for my God and His love that never fails.

I'm blessed and thankful for my Lord Jesus who felt pain in my name.

I'm blessed.

I'm thankful.

I will also say that like anyone, we all have "bad hair days". No amount of lowlights and highlights can change it. Some moments I just cry. I just cry because I don't what is before me, and that's a little scary. I'm holding on to the One who is making all things possible.

I don't know what this road has before me. I don't have the map or navigation system. I don't have the ETA. But I've got a big windshield showing all that is in front of me. My perspective has never been more beautiful. I'm going to let my hair down, throw on my Ray Bans, crank up some country music, and enjoy this ride called life.

A 6-Letter Word...

I'm not going to ask you to play a game of hangman to guess this word. You know it. You hear it all the time. You know someone who has it. You probably know someone who is no longer on this earth because of it. I've seen a lot of it. I've watched many people I love dearly have to face it with everything they've got. I've lost people to it. I've watched other people lose people to it.

The 6 letter word is C A N C E R.

And, It sucks. Big time.

On Monday of this week, my family received the news that my dad has cancer. I hate the way that sounds. Not my dad. He's superman. He can do anything. He can't have cancer.

Then I stop myself. I know that there are people all around me fighting this battle. I know there are people all around me who are fighting the battle of moving on without someone that used to be in their lives. I know that there are children who are battling this awful thing. I know.

I also know that there is a GOD who is bigger than all of this. I know He has a plan. A plan I may not agree with. A plan my dad may not agree with. I know that God has His arms of love and grace holding this whole world together. I know. I trust. I have faith.

When I first heard this news, I wanted to stop. Stop everything. I wanted to call the Children's Director of my church and say "No, I can't continue to teach Sunday school or lead Wednesday Night programming." I wanted to so "No, UCF, I don't want to pay for school right now." I wanted to say "No, I can't watch your kids tonight" to all that families I babysit for. I just didn't want to do anything. 

But I can't. And I won't. I'm going to keep smiling and laughing and singing and dancing and do all the things that make me happy. I look at my Dad who, is scheduling appointments and surgeries and scans around when he can fly back to New York to work and provide for his family. I look at my Mom who works insanely hard to make sure each of her three kids are happy and okay ON TOP of her full-time job. I see this, and I know we all have to keep moving and doing.

I will say that right now, right this very moment, it hurts. It stings. It burns. Every dang song on the radio makes me cry. Looking at my little brother for too long makes me cry. Seeing the confused faces of my dogs as they watch me cry, makes me cry. So I cry. I cry in the car with my sunglasses on to hide my eyes. I cry in the shower, because, might as well get it all out. And because of all this crying, I really need to find a good waterproof mascara. Seriously.

I want to say "Thank You" from the very bottom of my heart to all of my family and friends who have reached out to me during this time. You have no idea what it means to hear those words of love. We are going to this cancer a run for its money! 

We are going to KICK CANCER IN THE BUTT!

All my love.

It's Hard to Forget...

In this post, I'm going to take you to a moment in my life that was so hard, so heartbreaking, and so painful, that's it has been completely impossible to forget... 

I'm writing about it because it happened in the beginning of October, 4 years ago. 

I'm writing about it because the cut was DEEP and sometimes I catch myself going back to the anger and pain I felt when it happened. When the cut was fresh.

Before I tell you what "it" is, let me tell about how important "it" was in my life.

I began playing soccer when I was 4 years old. I loved the game. Every aspect of the game. I never missed a season in my entire life. I have an entire shelf of trophies and soccer things to document each season. My license plate on my car is a "support soccer" plate. 

Soccer was my game.

So....back to "it". I'll take you to my senior year at Hagerty High School and to my last high school soccer tryouts. We had a new coaching staff that year and we were all very nervous. (Because my graduating class was the 2nd graduating class in the whole school, there was a core group of us girls that created the soccer team of Hagerty. We started as a JV team and then a very young Varsity team. We were pretty good too!) Back to tryouts...we were nervous and we were missing our old coach. 

I felt as though my tryout was really great. I was in good shape and I did everything I was supposed to do to demonstrate to this new coach my skills and love for the game. Or so I thought.

I will forever have the next moment and words engraved into my mind forever.

The coach pulled me aside and said these exact words. "I understand you are a Senior. You know that seniors can't play on JV right? Because you didn't make the Varisty team." That was it. That's all he said to me. Then he walked away. Those were the coldest words I'd ever heard. I was in shock. I turned to look at the rest of girls still playing a casual scrimmage. I couldn't breathe. I turned my back to them, sat down on the concrete and cried. I got very angry. I remember taking my cleats off of my feet and throwing them against the school building. I was making a scene, one that I didn't want to make. I quickly grabbed my cleats, found my soccer bag and car keys, and walked to my car. I remember my friend asking me where I was going. I told her that I didn't make the team. She didn't know how to respond. I passed parents anxiously awaiting the news of which team their daughter made. I felt as though I had been kicked straight in the stomach....

I was the ONLY returning Varsity player and Senior that did not make the team. 

I was cheated. Cheated BIG time. It was, of course, a very political issue and situation. People "in power" were doing wrong things under the table, and I was the one that suffered because of it. 

The emotions I felt for the next few weeks were almost unbearable. I was sad. I was angry. I was embarrassed. I felt worthless. What was I going to do the next 3 months without soccer?

I'm writing this post, because I recently received a message from my cousin who is a Senior in high school this year. The same thing that happened to me, happened to her, only with volleyball. She asked me how I dealt with it. She asked my how I got through the pain and overwhelming feeling of defeat. 

When I read her text, my heart went right back to that moment four years ago. I began crying because I knew exactly what she was feeling. I knew how defeated and humiliated she felt. I told her what I am telling you now.... 

It sucked.

I told her I was angry and mad. I told her I didn't want to go to school. I told her my heart felt broken. I told her that I wasn't sure I would make it through the season.

But then, something changed.

I told her that I did make it through the season. My broken heart began to heal. I was able to face the girls of the soccer team at school. I wasn't angry and mad anymore.

I knew this happened to me on purpose, for a specific reason. 

God has a plan. A plan that may not always match up with our plans. This, my friends, is a beautiful blessing because His plan is SO much better. It took me a while to see what His plan was for me that season. I was able to spend my time and energy doing something that sang praises to Him. Literally. That season of not playing soccer allowed me to have the time to write and direct the children's Christmas Musical at my church. I loved every minute of that season. I was happy. God showed me yet again, that He knows what He is doing.

God is good. God is sovereign. God is gracious. God is kind. God is here.

His love never fails, never gives up, and never runs out.

And when Club soccer came around in the spring, I was lacing up those cleats and hitting the field. I was smiling and laughing and remembering all the reasons why I loved soccer. I was surrounded by an amazing group of girls and an even better coach. I was scoring goals and taking names. 

After all, soccer was my game.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

If not there, then where?

I've grown up in church. I began attending when I was born, and my family has always been very active in the church. I was baptized in a Baptist Church in Texas, and was confirmed in a Methodist Church in Florida. I know all of the Bible stories that are taught in Sunday school, and I can dance-n-sing "Father Abraham" like no other. I know many Bible verses by heart and I can sing many hymns without the words in front of me. I've been a part of many activities in the church. 

Does any of this matter? Honestly, I don't believe so.

I'm not saying that the "church" does not matter. But rather, that the "church" is just a "group of people coming together for a time of fellowship by worshipping and serving God". Or so I thought. 

As I grew older, and a bit more wiser, I began exploring my faith at a deeper level. I began to see where I was getting my "faith food" from and how I was spending my time with Jesus. 

It wasn't in church. 

I didn't get my "faith food" from church.

My "faith food" has always come from my Mama. This woman, that I'm so blessed to call my mother, has given me every ounce of Godly love one could give. This woman knows God. This woman loves Jesus. This woman knows how to give mercy and grace when it is so not worthy of being given. She has shown me what it means to fall to your knees because there is no where else to go. My Mama is where my spiritual leadership and guidence comes from.

I didn't get my "Jesus time" in the pew.

The times where I feel the very closest to God is when I'm either quietly sitting outside, OR when I'm blasting the Christian radio station in my car. Depends on the day, and what's on my heart. I find moments throughout my day to read scripture. I take little moments and thank Jesus for the life I've been given through Him.

But it's never happened in a church.

I'll take that back. I've had one moment in a church where tears flowed endlessly and my knees could barely hold me, because I was so completely overwhelmed by the glory and power of the Holy Spirit. I was in Haiti, in church on the Mission of Hope campus. I was surrounded by fellow Americans and Haitians all singing and praising God in a magnitude I cannot explain in words. I was singing the Frecnh lyrics of songs I sing in English, but in a way that was overflowing my heart with so much passion and joy. A passion for loving Jesus that I've never felt before, and a joy that made me never want to stop singing. Ever. 

 

When I left Haiti, I began to think why? Why doesn't the church I attend worship in such a way?

In the Haitian church, I was surrounded by people who had nothing, yet, they seemed to have everything. I was surrounded by people who had to walk many miles to attend church, where in the United States we watch our clocks, because one hour is enough church. 

And one thing that nearly exploded my heart out of my chest, was that I could literally feel the presence of Jesus. It was as if I could reach out and hold His hand. I could feel Him in the warm, genuine embrace of faces I had never met. I could feel Him in the gentle hands of the girl who sat behind me and braided my hair during the sermon. I could feel Him in the soft, sweaty cheeks of the baby resting peacefully in my arms.

There was NO denying the fact that Jesus was in that place. 

Why don't I feel Jesus in my church on any given Sunday?

Maybe it's because I am surrounded by people who have everything they need, and then some. Maybe it's because we live such busy and hectic lives. Maybe it's because we have homes with huge flat screens and a pantry/fridge stocked full of food. Maybe it's because we are superficially in love with the idea of God and what it means to be a Christian.

I felt Jesus Christ in an open-aired Haitian church, because to them Jesus is everything. He's their salvation, their grace, their love, and their hope of a better tomorrow. 

Am I saying that going to church is a bad thing? No.

I'm simply saying that we need to, as Christians and Disciples of Jesus Christ, make sure we are not covering up Jesus with all the fluff that often comes with organized religion. I pray that our hearts are opened to the realization that God is, and was, and always will be. Regardless of what we make our vision of God to be. 

I pray that we have the same love, joy, peace, salvation, and hope in our Savior that my Haitian brothers and sisters have. 

All the glory is given to Him.

"For by the grace given to me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully."

~Romans 12:3-8

Looking for Stars on a Cloudy Night

I love looking at stars. I love looking up at the sky to find the North Star, the Big Dipper, and the Little Dipper. I'm even guilty of having the "Star Finding" app for my iPad. I find a peace in my heart knowing that I serve a God that is BIG enough to make every star my eye can see. 

This post, however, has nothing to do with stars. Stick with me.

This post has everything to do with the "light" (Jesus) the stars provide to the "night" (world).

Do ya feel me?

I'll even take it one step further and say that the "light" is good and the "night" is bad.

I'm even going to compare the fact that "light" is white and the "night" is black.

This, my friends, is a Black & White world. Yes or No. Right or Wrong. This or That.

Many things have happened in these past weeks and months that have led me to write about this topic.

The topic of judgement.

Judgement that is found based on gender, race, religion, socioeconomic status, the school you attend, your athletic ability, the brand of your clothes...and I could go on forever. Either you are, or you are not. Either you are in, or you are out. 

I feel as though this world we are living in is so "clouded" with judgements being made, that we can no longer see the "starlight" that is trying to brighten the night. If you watch the news, you've probably heard of the Paula Dean debate and the Martin vs. Zimmerman Trial. (If not, Google it.) These are very different cases, and I refuse to go into specifics on either one, but they are BOTH about judgement.

It seems as if the Civil War is still happening today. But it's more than about racial inequality.

It's about people simply not LOVING each other for who they are regardless of ANYTHING. 

Let me tell you, LOVING is hard. Especially loving someone you don't feel deserves that love. 

Good thing that our God is Love. And our God loves each of us so much that He sent His only, precious Son to die on the Cross in our name. 

That's love. 

A love we so do not deserve.

God's love for all of us is why I fight every day to NOT judge and to LOVE. 

I fail. Multiple times. Every day. 

But I refuse to let this world change what I believe. I refuse to let the judgements made about me bring me down. I refuse to sit back and watch others keep being judged for no reason. I keep my eyes wide open on the "light" that always seems to shine through the cloudiest and darkest of nights. 

I look at the faces of children that continue to stay on my heart and mind. Children with dirty hands and shoeless feet and the whole world against them. They want LOVE. They need LOVE.   Jesus loves them. I love them. 

I'm going to keep on loving and shining the light of Jesus Christ into this dark world. It needs all the love it can get. I'm not saying it will be easy on you or your heart. It may end up broken. If my heart needs to break a billion times, then let it. Because all those breaks and cracks in my heart make more room for the love of God to seep through.

"As the Father has loved me, I have loved you. Abide in my love." -John 15:9

A moment in the sunshine...

Have you ever watched a big storm roll in off the ocean?

You can tell when it's coming. 

You can see the dark clouds in the distance. 

You can feel the cool air blowing in. 

You can see the slanting rain coming closer and closer.

You can't, however, always determine how long it will last, what it will bring, and what it will leave behind.

In Florida, storms can show up out of literally no where. In the summertime, the chance of rain is always 50%. It may come, it may not. I'm not even sure the weatherman knows some days...

Life is often like the days in the Florida summer. One moment the sun is shining, your hair is pulled up, and you're rocking some sweet shades....then out of no where the storm hits. You're drenched from head to toe, and your shades are too speckled with drops of water to see anything. Depending on how you react to the sudden dark clouds and rain is completely dependent on how your "day" will be. 

You could curse the skies and complain that your day is ruined. OR you could rejoice in the rain and the cool air it leaves behind and the life it brings to this world.

Your outlook on this storm can make you or break you.

This, my friends, is life. Every sunny day, and every dark sky that brings rain. You'll find yourself in situations where life is all sunshine and smiles, and other times when the wind and rain leaves you cold and wet.

As much as these storms in life seem to dampen our spirits and bring us down, I believe that God gives us these storms for a reason. 

Our God is Sovereign. 

Our God has a steadfast love for each of us. He knows what we want and what we need. 

One of my favorite songs, gives sweet words to remember....

"You're the reason for every good thing, every heartbeat. Every day we get to breathe. You're the reason for anything that lasts, every second chance

Every laugh, life is so sweet.

You're the reason for every good thing, every good thing!"

I believe that all good things come from Jesus. I believe we can laugh and smile and sing when things are good. 

But let me tell you this... Our God is still good. Even when things may not seem so good. 

I choose to rejoice in the storm and dance in the rain. My God will not forsake me. My God is jealous for me. I know nothing of this world will ever change that.

If the rain and wind brings my heart closer to my King, then let it pour.

If being drenched in rain gives me a better understanding of God's grace and love and mercy, then I never want to be dry. Ever.

I thank Jesus for the rain and the pain, and I thank Him for the Cross He took in my name. The Cross that bridges the gap from this world to the arms of an Almighty God.

I rejoice in the rain and in the moments of  sparkling sunshine, because our God is good and He deserves ALL the glory.

"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

1. Joshua 1:9

A Heart that has a Home...

Your HEART. You have one, I hope. (Unless you are a vampire or zombie.) Your heart is kind of a BIG deal. It has a major role in your body's function. It sets the rhythm for your daily routines. It lets you know when you are nervous, scared, happy, or really out of shape.

You heart is a HOME. Your heart lets in many 'guests' over the course of your life. Some of these guests stay for a while and leave, while others start unpacking their suitcases and begin rearranging the furniture and painting the walls.

My heart has many different 'guests' that reside within its walls. My sweet Mama and Daddy have a HUGE "ocean view" room in my heart. They are two of the most amazing people I know. Their support is never ending, and their love goes around the moon and back again. They are a major part of who I am as a person. My brother and sister have a very special place in my heart. We laugh and fight like any other siblings, and I'm thankful for their companionship in my life. My passion for teaching fills up space in my heart. I love teaching and getting to watch children learn and grow! My heart has a special room for children. They fill my heart with such joy and life.

My most favorite "heart guest", who has definitely "moved in", would be my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He moved in and rescued my heart from all kinds of things. Not only did He rescue my heart, but He allowed me to clear out some space to allow more people in. People I would have never let in without Him lighting up the "Vacancy Sign". Jesus took my heart and showed me all that is good and all the room I have to spare. 

Who lives in your heart? Do you have many "heart guests" or just a bunch of vacant rooms? Is your heart neat and tidy and perfectly arranged? Or is it like mine?

A jumbled mess.

You're probably really confused. I just gave you this look into a heart that you thought was pretty together. Ha! No way. Not here. 

Not this heart. 

Not since my trip to this place.....

Haiti. 

This place and Jesus, had a big "house party" and left my heart in shambles. 

Shambles, in the best possible way.

Haiti is a beautiful country and it's people are even more breathtaking. The minute my feet hit the rocky soil in Port-Au-Prince, I was in love. 

I was so in love, that I was completely overwhelmed. My heart was insanely overwhelmed. I was scared, and nervous, and overly cautious of how this place was going to move into my heart. 

Remember my favorite heart guest? 

He knew just what I wanted and needed. 

Jesus opened the front door BIG and WIDE to make room for all these precious people.

My heart now has a place for these beautiful people and the beautiful nation of Haiti. Jesus showed me how to truly love PEOPLE. He showed me how to leave the door to my heart wide open. He taught me how to trust in Him and what He is doing. Jesus showed me that washing clothes in a bucket, playing jump rope in a dirty courtyard, painting a home for a thankful woman, singing songs to a sweet little boy, glorifying God in a language I didn't know, all have a place in my heart. And that these aren't the little knick-knacks on the shelves, but these are the laughs and cries and tears and smiles that make up a HOME. 

So you see, my heart is in shambles right now. And it probably will still be in shambles as long as I live in this world. Jesus got rid of the vacuum cleaner, duster, mop, Lysol and all the things I was using to keep my heart 'clean' like I thought He wanted. He looked at my heart and He knew what I needed and He personally sent out the invitations to the "House Party" in my heart. Jesus knew that all this mess and clutter was exactly what my heart needed to glorify Him. 

I challenge you to look into your heart and see if there is room for Jesus. And by "room for Jesus", I'm talking about the beautiful, gracious, wonderful, amazing MESS He brings with Him. When you fully let Jesus 'move in' and live in your heart, it will never be the same.

He will shake it up. Move things around. Paint the walls. Bring in new things. Build on additions. And throw a pool out back. 

I hope you're ready for it! Give Jesus your heart. He will make your heart His HOME. 

For you see....

JESUS, is kind of a BIG deal.

JESUS, has a major role in your body's function.

JESUS, sets the rhythm for your daily routines.

You'll reach a point where JESUS and your HEART become one in the same.